Location: Montreal

Thursday, May 03, 2007

hints and advice for a smoother Moving Day

ok, first off, you should sleep late.
it's just much easier on your constitution.
secondly, you're going to need a lot of protein and irons for all the lifting and throwing shit in the garbage and profanity you're going to do all day.
the best possible thing to have for breakfast on Moving Day is the last five bastard fish sticks sitting at the back of your freezer.
the ones you bought like four months ago.
because A) they're good for you, and B) eating old garbage food is kind of like cleaning at the same time. you've just doubled your productivity!
nextly, throw everything in the garbage.
not your bed or your books, but almost everything else.
and by in the garbage i don't mean "in the garbage", i mean all over the sidewalk in front of your house. make some fun piles in case some neighborhood kids or some stray dogs want to play in your unloved rubbish. they're gonna miss you!
post nextly, cut and run.
just go.
smoke a joint or have a beer for sentiment's sake, but then get the fuck out of there.
don't clean, don't fix, don't care; they're never gonna find you.
wash your hands of it.
just break the wrist and walk away.
until, of course, all the landlords you've ever wronged, ripped off, left with hideous mountains of living filth, or just turned their dream home into a "flophouse" get on Facebook and start hunting you down for their "money" or their "priceless antique furniture" or their "good name and respectable reputation about town".
then, cut and run some more.
or stop wasting all your time on Facebook.
get outside; it's a beautiful day.
if you drink in the park with me, i'll help you move.


Anonymous Gis said...

if you stop wasting all of your time on Facebook just because your Landlord found you through it, then that means your Landlord will have won.

4:00 PM  

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