Location: Montreal

Saturday, March 01, 2008

mom fight

on my way to work, passing the elementary school between my apartment and the Metro station, i heard a commotion.
and i knew it was a serious commotion, because i heard it through the plastic/pleather ear covering of my headphones. and not just through my headphones, but over the glorious din of Faith No More. a noisy commotion indeed.
so i looked to the schoolyard, half expecting to see a gaggle of kids involved in some kind of desperate five-minutes-to-bell-time snowball war.
but that's not what i saw at all.
instead i saw that which we only see on television screens and in our wildest most unhinged dreams.
a Mom Fight.
an honest-to-goodness headlockin' name callin' Mom Fight.
right there on the sidewalk, by the fence, down in a blanket of snow whiter and purer than the most preciously hand-washed bedsheets.
i think i actually yelled the words "Mom Fight!!" as i barreled across the street to snag a position ringside.
now, there's no way i could know for sure what volatile spark ignited this matronly inferno of asskickery, but whatever the trigger, it must've been dire.
these. young. moms. were. pissed.
it was scrappier than a bourbon filled Wolverine taking on a truckload of bourbon filled wolverines.
punching. kicking. grappling.
oh my god biting!
hair pulling!
and let me tell you, the kids were loving it.
to them this was probably more exciting than a bourbon filled Wolverine dressed like a flying Santa.
soon a male teacher ran out of the school, taking a place next to me in the good seats. "what is this?! this is crazy!"
"i know!" i said. "why aren't we gambling?!"
i threw down a tenner on the redhead in the blue parka.
teachers cash was on the perm-headed brunette with the foul mouth.
kids were throwing down lunch money and Pokemon cards.
and the battle raged on.
i wrote a song about it.


neck grab
throat crunch
from the kitchen to the streets
with a bag lunch tit punch

mom vs mom
fighting for the reins
one mother grab another
toss a mother to the flames

two milfs
getting pounded
write a letter to the book club
cuz someone's getting grounded

mom fight
all night
every fucking thing
is motherfucking alright


Anonymous Jerobiwan said...

Nothing would be hotter.....except a mom fight with rowdy pitbulls foaming at the mouth in each of their corners.

6:48 PM  

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