hello, Jesus

today i asked myself a question that i'm sure many of you have asked yourselves at one time or another. "if Jesus appeared in my kitchen, right now, in the flesh, what would i do?" well, the first thing i'd do (after introducing myself, of course) would be to ask Him to help me do my dishes, as at the moment they are stacked rather high. and i'm pretty sure he'd say yes; he'd have to, he's Jesus. after that i'd offer Him a seat and ask a few questions. did it hurt? how's your old man? how long are you back for? is Jesus a Beatles man or a Stones man? how good is he at MarioKart? and then, after defeating Him in several races, i'd break out the big guns. look, Jesus! my bathtub is full of water! change. it. to. wine. and, of course, he'd comply and it would be delicious. i would then ask Him if he had the ability to change 'already-wine' into some kind of 'super-god-wine'. and he probably could. and i'd probably go and do something greedy like tie him up in my bathroom, shackle Him right to the toilet, and force him to change gallons and gallons of tap water into delicious, intoxicating god-wine that i could drink and store and share and sell, becoming very popular and wealthy. and i would enjoy living like this until i was a very old man. or until Jesus got sick of making wine and killed me with the Plague or something. he'd probably make it look like an accident.