open season

know what i hate?
letters that open with the phrase "we regret to inform you that blah blah blah, because we're a bunch of profound, well-informed assholes who can't possibly allow you to violate our precious institution with your revolting brand of shenanigans."
i'd love, just once, to get a letter relaying something positive.
something mildly encouraging.
like, "mad props, Gillis!"
or, "here's five thousand dollars!"
fuck it.
they won't stop me.
i'm crashing the gates, bitch.
economy style.
right after i feed the royal monkeys.