a brief summary of my greatest fears

• waking up to find i've been tied to a bear.

• dying in some horrible car crash that makes the front page of all the newspapers and having my parents read about how all that the police found in the wreckage was "Mike's body and a motherlode of cocaine."

• getting amnesia.

• getting the shit kicked out of me by a large group of people in a cold, dark alley while i'm naked and continuously vomiting on myself. (also, my attackers are dressed as clowns.)

• skeletons that can talk.