organ grinder

my body is a perfect machine of poor timing.
as many of you know, i'll be throwing a party this Saturday at the Smith Street lair and have been making preparations as such.
but, per usual, along came a snag.
a few days ago i had a slight tickle in my throat. i assumed it was from screaming the chorus to Deadly Sinner at top volume while drunk every night for the past week. but then, it quickly turned into a severely irritated throat. perhaps i'm ill, i pondered. then, the night before last, just like magic, it happened. from the time i fell asleep to the time i awoke, my tonsils had doubled in size.
(for those of you who don't know, my tonsils and i have shared a checkered past: two winters ago they swelled so much they almost completely blocked off my throat hole. the doctor said A) those are the largest, most infected tonsils i've ever seen on a living human being, and B) you were about an hour away from needing an emergency traecheotomy. let's continue..).
so, realizing the imminent tonsil ass-fuckage, i unleashed my counter-attack. a blitzkreig of Aspirin and Vitamin C; i'm talking fistfulls, ten at a time, every half hour for the past two days.
dangerous? possibly.
clever? not really.
effective? hell yes.
i've won.
symptoms are disappearing.
energy returning.
Jagermeister rising.
i can't, i won't and i don't stop.