Location: Montreal

Thursday, July 07, 2005

ejection seat (of love?)

unlucky in love?
need to abandon ship?
these ten phrases will instantaneously gaurantee that your first date will be your last date.

•"yeah, my new job is ok i guess. but still, i really miss my old job. at Neverland Ranch."

•"hey! remember that time i fingered your mom at the circus?"

•"no, i don't smoke weed. i'm only into huffing solvents."

•"vote Republican."

•"why thank you, but this is actually a wig. i'm completly hairless. everywhere. ask me why."

•"i don't have a car. or a penis."

•"gee, i'm not sure if i can meet you tomorrow or not. i'll have to ask the Almighty Leader when i return to the Fortified Compound of True Believers."

•don't say anything. just grind your teeth and glare. wait for her to comment on that homemade 'Satan for Hire' tatoo that you've recently carved across your face.

•"did you just fucking fart?"

•"would you mind if i put this ball gag on you? just for a sec? i wanna see how it looks."


Blogger Jon said...

The first nine are killer, but that last one, if it ever worked, oh MAN.

5:30 PM  
Blogger Swanktrendz said...

You crack me up - Let's hang out, go to thrash bands, and make fun of people who are making fun of us...

9:21 PM  
Blogger iaingillis said...

Mike, when you get a chance, tell The Almighty Leader that I'll be back to the compound just as soon as I finish converting my friends and family over to The True Way. I pray that His Almightiness shows favor on his faithful subject.

4:14 AM  
Anonymous Sir Thomas said...

My favor has been granted

2:12 PM  

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