Location: Montreal

Friday, May 04, 2007

dear Old Guy

hi, Old Guy.
you don't know me, but i was on the same train as you today, (orange line, around five-something), and i saw when that dude slammed into you with his backpack and made you drop your McDonald's hamburger.
man, that must've sucked for you Old Guy.
i saw how much you dropped; it was close to a whole burger. you looked so sad, dude. you looked like that was the first McDonald's hamburger you've had in years. maybe it was your first McDonald's hamburger since your daughter married that deadbeat or since you got your new kidneys or since you found out your dart buddies were ganking your heart pills, and this asshole just slams you with his backpack and you drop it all over the floor of the train. and you can't just pick it up and eat it off the train floor, that's like eating poison. not like you care anyway, i mean, it's McDonald's right? it's pretty poisonous anyway. and what the hell is an old dude like you eating McDonald's for? Old Guy, you don't look so hot. not like your clothes or anything; your face. you look ill dude. lay off the McDonalds. (and lay off that hat while you're at it. do you think you're Robin Hood or some shit? stealing burgers from the rich and dropping them all over the floor of the train, like poor people are going to eat your stupid, half-eaten burger scraps off the floor like that? high and fucking mighty, you are.)
anyway Old Guy, i hope you get that mustard off your loafers.
get nuggets next time. seriously.
peace out;
Beard Guy with Headphones.


Anonymous Old Guy said...

Why don't you just rub it in some more?! prick.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pfkeqlg, was the fucked up scramble word they gave me. I think it means if you eat fried chicken, you'll get fat. About this post: at first I thought you were gonna make friends with the old guy. Then i realized you weren't . Why do you mock the old guy? He's had a hard life. His wife and s children were born and done by a world full of liquor and bullets and politics. All he's ever done was give his heart and his spine and his fruition to his fellow man. And perhaps he had chosen that one day to reap the reward of his lifelong endeavour; he bought a bacon, quarter-pounder, with cheese, at the nearest convenient location. And because it was fucking Tuesday, it only cost him $1.79, and like twelve million brain cells. Then his burger gets trashed by the fact that everyone and their fucking donkey want to live where it's nice. No one wants to live in those wartorn countries. So he accepts the irony of fate and doesn't unleash his mad skills and decapitate everyone on the bus. He just sits and frowns upon his trampled, rapidly cooling burger while also trying not to make eyecontact with that bearded drug addict convulsing to some sort of primitive jungle rhythm two seats down. Whoa, that chick isn't wearing underwear!

11:27 PM  
Blogger nicole said...

i "laughed out loud" to this one. thanks
WORd Verification

7:41 AM  

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