Location: Montreal

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

the "list" list (short version)

a brief summary of the things i not only hope to, but will accomplish, before the end of my twenty-fifth year. watch me.

-be ordained "All-Time World Champ" of Mega Man 2.

-to have a monkey.
not as a pet, but as a friend.

-walk down a beautiful, patio-lined street on a beautiful late summer/early autumn afternoon. when i look up i realize that the most beautiful woman who ever lived is walking towards me. just as our eyes meet and she begins to smile, she trips over a dog's leash and scrapes her knee on the sidewalk. i immediately get her to her feet and help her to a seat at the small Europeanish cafe we happen to be in front of. i ask the waiter for a cold glass of ice water, a clean cloth and a small bandage. as i quietly tend to her wound, gently dabbing the blood from the ugly breach in her perfect milky skin, she is suddenly overcome with emotion. a tiny gasp passes her supple, perfectly formed lips as she comes to the powerful realization that she will love me, physically and spiritually, for the rest of her days. when i'm finished applying the bandage i say, "there. all patched up. my name is Mike." to which she'll reply; her birdsong voice trembling with absolute joy; "i'm Persephone."

-win a major award at a major ceremony (for whatever). the crowds' applause is deafening because they realize just how much i deserve this award (for whatever). when i reach the podium to make my speech i will say one of two things. i will either say A) "i thank you all. we're golden. we're all golden. let's party." the moment after i say this Journey's 'Any Way You Want It' will blast through the stadium's speaker system and liquor will be distributed freely.
or i will say B) "i only thank Batman."

-when crossing the street i realize a large bus is is about to slam into my body, thus crushing it throughly. at the very last second i do a perfectly timed backflip, landing in the back of a passing pickup truck, making it in only by inches. i then pounce out of the moving truck, grab onto a nearby lamppost, swing around it a couple of times, letting go at exactly the right second for me to launch myself back across the busy street and land comfortably in an empty seat at a table full of highly trained ninjas, who proceed to give me a standing ovation.

-wake up with a mouthful of gold teeth.


Anonymous Daryl said...

good thing you already accomplished going to hermans wearing womens underwear over your clothes... impressively ignorant..

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Sir Thomas said...


8:32 AM  

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