shorn on the 4th of July
so the other morning, after doing my typically corpse-like trot down the hall to the bathroom, i realized my moustache (that's Mr. Moustache* to you) needed a slight trimming.
so i leaned in with my electric clippers, still bleary eyed from sleep/hunger/seventeen straight days of drinking, to perform a simple, routine trimming procedure that i like to call the Glide Trim.
i don't feel like delving into the logistical dynamics of the Glide Trim right now, but let's just say i mowed a little too deep and completely buzzed most of the left portion of the 'stache.
ouch.
non-fixable.
a write off.
i had only two options.
one: rock a Hitler.
two: shave it off completely.
and since i wasn't really feeling the Most Evil Moustache In History look, i nudified my upper lip.
which is all for the best i guess, being a hairless freak for once.
but in retrospect, i should have kept the MEMIH for at least the train ride to work, so i could just smile in peoples faces, aloof as they gasped and glared and made fists. until of course someone actually slams me and tears my headphones off.
"why are you wearing a Hitler moustache!! you vile prick!!"
"lady...who the fuck is Hitler?"
"oh you..."
* 'Bleach' reference! nice!
so i leaned in with my electric clippers, still bleary eyed from sleep/hunger/seventeen straight days of drinking, to perform a simple, routine trimming procedure that i like to call the Glide Trim.
i don't feel like delving into the logistical dynamics of the Glide Trim right now, but let's just say i mowed a little too deep and completely buzzed most of the left portion of the 'stache.
ouch.
non-fixable.
a write off.
i had only two options.
one: rock a Hitler.
two: shave it off completely.
and since i wasn't really feeling the Most Evil Moustache In History look, i nudified my upper lip.
which is all for the best i guess, being a hairless freak for once.
but in retrospect, i should have kept the MEMIH for at least the train ride to work, so i could just smile in peoples faces, aloof as they gasped and glared and made fists. until of course someone actually slams me and tears my headphones off.
"why are you wearing a Hitler moustache!! you vile prick!!"
"lady...who the fuck is Hitler?"
"oh you..."
* 'Bleach' reference! nice!
posted by mike | 5:09 PM
3 Comments:
Constant Reader here, I can't believe you forsake the moustache for the memory of a long dead general. He's dead, for fuck sakes. Doesn't anyone else smoke to the memory of a mental mansion gone bye-bye anymore? Fuck the common folk, let them deal with their fantasies of train rape and let them deal with the reality of human superiority, they're what's holding back the god damn space program. I only write these things in anonimity cause I like the author of this blog . As a brother who walks with me and eats mescaline and navigates unfinished escalators, not some flashing flaming other kind, which we have no quarrel with whatsoever. Cheers my brother, write 'til no end.
grow it back NOW
anonymous - much thanks good sir dude.
the dry rabbit - hold your fucking horses.
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