dream club

Stan: hey gang. welcome to another weekly meeting of Dream Club. i see a lot of excited faces out there tonight, so let's get things rolling. ok, looks like Doug's got his hand up so we'll let him start us off. if you would, Doug.

Doug: thanks, Stan. hey everyone. so, as most of you know i've been going through a pretty rough divorce lately, and the stress has been triggering some unpleasant dreams. mostly involving my wife an-

Jimi: (yelling) ex-wife!

Doug: uh....yes.. thanks Jimi. so, yeah, mostly dreams involving my ex-wife. usually of her taking the kids away or instructing the kids to ignore me. sometimes something more elaborate, like her and the kids transforming and kind of joining together, forming some kind of heavily armed, hovering sentry-bot. i always wake up crying. (long weird pause. someone belches). but, i think the worst is over. the past few nights i haven't been dreaming about them at all. i've only dreamt about a man-sized lamb who walks on his hind legs. he has seven eyes, all of which are hazel, and he washes me with a large triangular sponge. it's really, wow, it's just really really comforting. i really think i've turned a corner here, so, i don't know, i'd just like to thank you guys. thank you.

*clapping*

Stan: alright! thanks for sharing, Doug. who'd like to be next? Jimi? sure, you're up champ.

Jimi: hey. so check this. i've had the exact same dream every night for the past, like, five days. it's always the same, except it gets a little longer each time. but it's still boring, you know? every single night, i lie down, close my eyes, and dream about coming in here and killing you guys. night after night after night. it always starts with me strapping this huge ass knife to my leg; like this, see? (flashes huge ass knife). then i get up here and talk for a bit, and you guys all sit there and look freaked. and i always end up murdering Doug first because he always says something stupid that just pisses me the fu-

Doug: hold on; is this some kind of sick AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Doug's Wife: honey? honey, what's wrong? wake up honey!

Doug: AAHHH...wha?....oh shit. shit hon, i'm sorry.

Doug's Wife: it's ok. you were having a nightmare.

Doug: yeah. it was the one where we're divorced and i'm attending this stupid "Dream Club".

Doug's Wife: oh honey, that's crazy. i love you.

Doug: i know Gladys, i know.

Doug's Wife: kiss me.

*Doug leans in to kiss his wife. they embrace. as they hold each other they realize just how strong their marriage is, and as they begin to make love for the first time in-

Seven-Eyed Lamb Man: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hovering Sentry-Bot: *hovering downstairs* what's going on? are you ok? i heard screaming.

Seven-Eyed Lamb Man: yeah. yeah, i'm ok. i just had that dream again.

Hovering Sentry-Bot: the one where the humans are copulating?

Seven-Eyed Lamb Man: yeah, that one. it's probably from sleeping on this piece of shit excuse for a sofa.

Hovering Sentry-Bot: welllll... *smiling coquettishly*...maybe you should sleep upstairs in the double bed. with me.

Seven-Eyed Lamb Man: so you forgive me?

Hovering Sentry-Bot: we'll see, Lopez. we'll see.

The En-AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!