Location: Montreal

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

an interview with Satan

Mike: Hello, Satan. How are you?

Satan: Fantastic. Fan-tastic. Any trouble finding the place?

M: No, your directions were fine.

S: Good. I worry people are gonna get lost down here; get themselves all turned around in the Labyrinth, get scalded or something. Just causes me a lot of hassle later on down the road, you know?

M: I understand. So, I guess we should get started.

S: Fire away.

M: Okey dokey. First things first; how was your summer?

S: Ummmmm... it was okay. Pretty relaxed. Worked a lot.

M: Did you go anywhere?

S: Yeah, actually. I went to Sacramento for a few days and i spent a week in Norway. They love me there.

M: I heard. Was it fun?

S: Oh, for sure. I got this tattoo, check it out. (shows tattoo on upper right arm; it's a tattoo of a naked, large breasted Medusa riding a winged bear over a city skyline)

M: Wow. That's awesome. Was it expensive?

S: No. I got a discount. I know the guy.

M: Rad.

S: Indeed.

M: So, it's autumn now and Halloween is right around the corner. Is that a busy time of year for you?

S: You know, it used to be, but these days... I don't know, it's gotten pretty commercial. Besides, there's so many kids out there causing shit I could probably not show up and no one would notice.

M: I used to love causing shit on Halloween.

S: I know you did. I remember that year you stole that scarecrow of that old guy's porch and strung him up on the park monkey bars and torched him.

M: You remember that?

S: Yeah man, that was awesome. I didn't even have to make you do it or anything.

M: Wow, thanks Satan.

S: No problem. (a vigorous high five is exchanged)

M: Nice. Okay, here's one. What's your favorite movie?

S: I don't really have a favorite, but my top five are Amadeus, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Ronin, Scream Blacula Scream and The Fly.

M: I love The Fly! Orignal or Jeff Goldblum version?

S: The Jeff one. So deadly.

M: Shit yeah. What have you been listening to lately?

S: Not too much new stuff. Mostly weird shit from Japan. Pretty stoked for that new Thurston Moore solo joint that's coming out.

M: I've heard it. It's excellent.

S: You've heard it already?

M: Yeah, I stole it off the internet.

S: Atta boy! (another high five.)

M: What's your favorite food?

S: Probably....chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. Chocolate and souls.

M: Cool. Favorite TV show?

S: I don't want to sound vain or anything, but definitely the News. Doesn't matter what channel.

M: Okay, and do you have a favorite word?

S: Right now.....dickbarf.

M: Your favorite word is dickbarf?

S: Yeah,(laughs), it's pretty gross.

M: No shit. I've never even heard it.

S: It's new; kind of a Hell thing.

M: I see. Do you play any video games?

S: Yeah, there's a great one I've been playing for the past couple thousand years. It's called "Human Beings"!

M: Oh snap!

S: Ha! Seriously though, I'm not much of a gamer.

M: That's fine. Here's a spicy one: how's your love life going?

S: Wellll...I've been single for the past year or so, so I've just been enjoying that.

M: Who were you with before that?

S: I'd rather not say. She's kind of famous, and we really weren't interested in being one of those 'high-profile celebrity couples'; adopting kids in Africa and all that garbage. I don't need that. It ended amicably though, we still talk.

M: Was she a "demon in the sack"?

S: (frowning) I'd appreciate it if you didn't use derogatory slurs in my lair.

M: Oh. Shit.....I didn't....I'm sorry if I..

S: Haha! Relax, I'm just fucking with you. She was hot though. Magma from the core hot.

M: Sweet. Well, that'll about do it I guess. Thanks for taking the time to do this and having me down here and everything.

S: Shit, anytime man. I had a lot of fun.

M: Me too. Well, right on ,Satan. I guess I'll see you around.

S: For sure. Take care of yourself.

M: I will. Bye.

S: Later.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that you didn't conduct this interview on your own accord, Mike.

I know that the Devil made you do it.


4:03 PM  
Anonymous Chris Rich said...

Mike - this was golden. Can I put is up on my blog for others to see and link back to you? Ah what the hell, I'll go ahead and do it and then take it down if you like. Beg forgiveness and not permission and all that yadda yadda. Check it at

3:45 PM  
Blogger josh said...

In my head, interviewer and interviewee both sounded just like you mike. Holy crap monkeys, that was the best interview ever. thanks, Josh.

6:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home