Location: Montreal

Thursday, March 16, 2006

it smells clean (but you know it makes you feel dirty)

allow me to break down how laundry works at my place.
i do laundry when i run out of servicable clothing.
there are three main teirs in the Laundry Heirarchy, each signifying on which point along the Road of Absolute Filthiness a paticular article of clothing lies.
the teirs are Hanger, Floor and Basket.
anything up on a Hanger is assumed to be Fresh.
anything in the Basket has been inspected and judged unserviceable; once in the Basket a piece of clothing will not be removed and applied to my body. this is a rule that i cannot afford, socially or hygenically, to bend or break.
Hanger and Basket are at opposite ends of the Laundry Spectrum; in between them lies the always indefinite, sometimes unstable plane i refer to as the Floor.
the Floor (almost deserving of it's own spectrum) can contain articles of clothing worn for "only a few minutes" all the way up to "going on day six". it is not always easy to judge just how far along in it's journey an article of clothing is.
this is when the Smell Test must be administered.
after the test the article will be graded, and depending on it's grade will be A) worn, B) returned to floor or C) tossed in the basket.
the Smell Test results can be described from Slightly Post-Fresh to Throughly Soiled, with many, many gradients and sub-genres exisiting in between, the subtleties of which most of you could never understand or want to understand.
some of these sub-genres include: Post-Post Fresh, Gamey with Fair to Moderate Foodstuff, Maybe if i'm Desperate, Still Damp, Slightly Pre-Soiled and She Probably Won't Even Notice.
once an article passes through all these stages and reaches Throughly Soiled it is officially Retired until Wash Day.
Wash Day usually takes place just before or just after the Weekend; the Weekend being the crux of clothing soilage.
Pre-Weekend is usually a preparation wash.
Post-Weekend....i don't ask questions.
just throw it in the basket.
it's Still Damp.


Blogger lora said...

what about the jeans mike? you wear them all the time so they must have their own rules.

ya hobo.

8:08 AM  
Blogger mike said...

my jeans don't have rules.
my jeans Make rules.
Rule No.1: hot sauce on everything.

2:44 PM  

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