Location: Montreal

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Super-Ideal Power League

this one's for the Nerds.
bear with me.
i've been tossing this idea around in my head for months now.
you know how during the Olympics certain countries (well, Canada and the US mostly) will put together these super-high-powered hockey/basketball teams, using the absolute cream o' the crop in order to crush and destroy any/all competition?
'Dream Teams' i believe they're called?
well, that got me thinking.
and i realized something.
i hate sports a lot.
so decided to apply the Dream Team principle to something even more exciting (for non-gamblers at least); the world of fiction.
and when i say fiction i mean ALL fiction.
movies, television, literature, comic books, video games, the Bible, you name it.
think about can put any character in the history of fiction on your team.
who would you choose?
how powerful could your team possibly be?
would your team be able to defeat my team?
of course not.
{also: teams must contain exactly 8 members}
[because i said so]
here is my Super-Ideal Power League.
who's in yours?

Swamp Thing (from the popular comic of same name)
- the Swamp Thing is a powerful humanoid mass of vegetation. even though he is composed entierly of organic plant matter, he is articulate; able to speak and form complex thoughts and emotions. he can control nearby plant life, is able to regenerate lost limbs and even regrow his entire body anywhere that plants are present. he could be my sneaky information guy.

Unicron (from the Transformers universe)
- destroyer of countless civilizations, Unicron is a planet sized Transformer who has existed since the beginning of time, travelling the universe and devouring other planets, thus absorbing their information/technology/etc. he could be my home base and my vehicle. he would make a pretty good scrapper too, because he's pretty big.

Lando Calrissian (from the [watchable] Star Wars films)
- Lando is a swashbuckling space guy. he owns a city in the clouds and is the administrator of a gas mine. he is quite crafty, an exceptional pilot, and a total ladies' man. he could be the team's "Trim Co-ordinator."

Jason Voorhees (from the Friday the 13th films)
- Jason is a relentless, merciless mass-murderer who apparently cannot speak or be killed, by anyone. he enjoys wearing a goalie mask to conceal his deformed face and walking ominously through wooded areas carrying a large machete for disposing of libidinous young people in escalatingly creative ways. he'd be my infantry guy.

Pai Mei (from the film Kill Bill Vol. 2)
- thought to be well over a thousand years old, Pai Mei is an ancient martial arts master. he is infinitley wise and more than a little ruthless. he is the originator of the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Queen Alien (from the film Aliens)
- this is the Queen Mother of a nightmarish, insect-like hive of viscious predatory creatures known as Xenomorphs. the Queen is over 15 feet tall, has two sets of powerful razor sharp jaws, armored exoskeletal skin, a spiny, bladed whip-like tail, and a potent, acid-like substance for blood. i'm pretty excited about this one.

Merlin (of Arthurian legend)
- an infamous and most powerful wizard who lived hundreds of years ago. i'm actually kind of iffy about this one because i'm pretty sure Merlin was a real guy.

Mr.Spock (from the original Star Trek series)
- Spock is a half human, half Vulcan hybrid. he is super-intelligent; a being of logic and reason. he is able to obtain information from others using his patented Mind-Meld. can also render foes unconscious instantainiously with his Vulcan Nerve Pinch. Spock and Merlin would be my science guys and unofficial Team Leaders.


Anonymous K Dixon Esq. said...

Ok, Ill bite Mike...

Team lead- Sgt. Franklin E. Talltree
Codenamed- Sgt Airborne, of GI-Joe Fame
Why? Hes a fuckin para (youll notice a lot of these)

Brute Force- HE-MAN
Why? He has the ring AND..hes fuckin HE MAN!

T&A- She Ra/Wonder-Woman, i havent decided, im thinking creamed corn wrestling, the winner is on the team and the loser gets some hentai style tentacle action

Under Water hokey pokey shit Master-
Naval Warrant Officer Edward W. Leialoha
Why- Attained black belts in three martial arts by 19 (Wu-Shu, Kenpo, and Go-Ju-Ryu). Nuff said...
and hes a vegan

For my Aviation wing i have-
CW-4 William S. Hardy, GI Joes heli pilot


Han effing Solo...the milennium falcon is badassery personified
and bitch got da spice...word

Gotta give cobra a shot, and i need someone for Psy-Ops and intel and interrogations so...
Doctor Mindbender! is my 7th pick..

And to round out my team

Cause he has been featured 6 times in a local comic.
Hometown CB Hero...
Mark Courtney..!

4:28 AM  
Blogger iaingillis said...

Galactus - of Marvel Comics fame. Mutherfucker EATS PLANETS. Nuff said.

Sherlock Holmes - think of him as an pre-television Gil Grissom.

McGuyver - In case we ever have to fashion a CB radio out of a coconut, coat hanger, and universal remote control.

The Hydra - of Greek mythology. He'd kind of function like the team mascot.

Red Sonja, She-Hulk - The Women's Auxiliary.

Xenu - Good enough for Tom Cruise, good enough for me.

Chaos - The final boss from Final Fantasy 1, for the original Nintendo. 2000 HP, he had NUKE, QUAKE, and caused 100-200 HP of damage each hit. Fucker was tough.

9:16 AM  
Blogger mike said...

you're right, Chaos was fucking tough.
i don't know if he was Mark Courtney tough...but still a challenging foe.

11:35 AM  
Blogger alwayshaspockets said...


Your list would be good if it didn't suck.

I don't even know where to begin. Unicorn - Awesome. I'll give you that one. Lando - What a pussy. Merlin - Depending on which fiction may or may not be a bumbling idiot. Leave him at home just in case. And then after specifically stating the bible was fair game some how managed to leave god off the team? Locusts and shit dude. Think about it.

Redraft this list and get back to me.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

Here is a fucking power team for you.

6 random homeless people...


10:24 AM  
Blogger alwayshaspockets said...

So Alex...

Hmmmmm. Repeat on the god thing.

6 + 1 = 7

And I don't know what it's like in Sackville, but last I checked in the real world homeless people aren't fictional.

Tripple fault. Your list is worse than Mikey's.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

Wow... amazing how you came up with this burn after I told you about all three of the faults in my post. Granted you did mention the God point, which I was crushed after hearing.

You are so fucking witty. I hope you are happy with your false sense of perception.

Watch yourself at slowcoaster in the mosh pit... you just wait...

So see you at my place for beers and food a bit after 7?

12:09 PM  
Blogger alwayshaspockets said...


12:11 PM  
Blogger mike said...

you kids crack me up.
i'll crush you both.

2:02 PM  

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