big questions

my apologies for not upkeeping my little slice of the cyberweb.
i have been terribly busy.
not with any sort of actual or "tangible" duties, but with more pressing, urgent and universal concerns.
i've been mulling over the Big Questions, the ones that sometimes threaten to tumble from the sky and crush us all in a messy orgy of cartilage and misguided spirituality.
these are the questions that drive us.
that make us human.
the answers are elusive, timeless.
or silly and unimportant.
whichever.

why are my weekends always plagued by rain?
what is culture, really?
why does it take my shower water so long to heat up?
what's that weird popping sound that comes from my shoulder whenever i stretch?
why am i even stretching in the first place?
who am i trying to impress?
are there alternate realities currently existing alongside our own?
for real?
am i the only one who wonders what happened to "Weird Al" Yankovich?
why is that?
why do you guys suck so much?
why can't pimping be easy?
do you eat the red ones last?
bullshit.
why can't we ever, ever win?
who's that coming, from somewhere up in the sky?
moving fast and bright as a firefly?
just when you think the trouble's gonna pounce,
who's gonna be there when it really counts?
am i supposed to have hair there?
who was the guy who played the 'bad army guy' in Short Circut?
war. huh. good god. what is it good for?
remember that party?
with the home brew?
no?
was that someone else?
who?
who will bathe my soul in the the waters of healing light?
who is willing to lather and scrub, i mean really scrub, maybe with one of those puffy bath...things.., you know, chicks use them, ...those things?
what are they called?
fuck it.
what are you called?
can i answer a question with a question?
why not?
who cares?
what time?
how much?
again?
no?