Location: Montreal

Sunday, April 02, 2006

apologies, confessions & vague threats

time for a little Spring Cleaning.
here's an assortment of odds, ends, and other random tidbits that i've been politely (wisely?) keeping to myself for the past several months.
ah...the things i would've / should've / could've said.
now i'm not one for mudslinging.
nor am i a gossip slut.
(omg! did u hear mike is totally not a gossip slut!)
so i'm going to keep these anonymous.
these are for a pretty wide assortment of people, but if one of them applies to you, you'll know it.
much love babies!

• it was me. i drank it. all of it. and i'd do it again.
• when i said "later this week" i meant "never".
• i'm sorry i accidentaly called you Sarah, but that's not why i gave you the five bucks. i would've given it to you anyway.
• i lied. that stain was not from donair sauce.
• next time, i'm going to tape it to your goddamned forehead.
• i wasn't letting you win. i was losing on purpose.
• i'm sorry. i fucking hate Belle and Sebastian. i shouldn't have led you on like that.
• that wasn't a cute coincidence. it took me a week to plan that.
• for the record, the blood was fake. but the tears were real.
• i promise i will never, ever do that in your car again.
• sometimes we call you Barfy MeatSlapper when you're not around.
• i was actually awake the whole time. you're so fucking busted.
• i wasn't trying to steal your mail. i just wanted the crossword puzzle from your newspaper.
• i wasn't at a bar. i was in the woods by myself, getting drunk and listening to Cat Stevens. and Steely Dan.
• i know you noticed. and now you know i know it.
• the mysterious vomit? all me baby.
• remember when we bumped into eachother and i joked "no..i was trying to grab your ass...ha ha!"?
i was totally trying to grab your ass.
next time i will.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i knew it!

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Pte K Dixon, B Sqn SALH said...

Some days Mike, even though your blood, im glad, im not exposed to your east costing shenanigans. However, it sucks at the same time.

So to compensate, im gonna drink some keiths and jager, listen to belle and sebastien to spite you and plan a trip to Hali for when i pass basic

12:57 AM  
Blogger mike said...

enjoy the Jager.
but pray you don't show up during Urine-Filled Balloon Assault Week.
bring a hat.

10:07 AM  
Blogger nic said...

you should acidentally call me.
i love belle & sebastian.

5:11 PM  
Blogger nic said...

i should also learn how to spell.

6:44 PM  
Blogger iaingillis said...

I was gonna go to the Belle & Sebastian show, but then I spilled a glass of burgundy all over my vintage cardigan, and I was too depressed to leave my loft. I just stayed home all night with a bottle of Bordeaux and some Proust.

Don't worry Mike, you ain't the only one who hates those little pantywaists.

4:15 AM  
Blogger mike said...

we should start a league of Bull and Shebazz defiers. we'll drink Glow and listen to...uh...i don't know, Spyder or something.

and i will accidentally call you Nicole.
we need to talk about your grammar.
welcome to ScrabbleTown.

3:37 PM  

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