Name:
Location: Montreal

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

a mind-devouring vortex is a terrible thing to waste

today was the first day that i really noticed Autumn was here.
actually here.
really real, full-on here.
'you don't need mittens yet but make sure you dig them out and keep them close because soon baby, soooon' here.
anyway, i was enjoying Autumn as i took a stroll down the block to the Chilled Beverage Retailer when i noticed a familiar figure cutting through the park in my direction. it was our local "spare change enthusiast" the Shit Witch. (named so because one of the boys allegedly saw her squatting in Dirty No-Tooth Alley relieving herself as such. and i believe him.)
when i saw her heading my way i knew exactly what would happen. she would ask for change. i'd say no. she'd follow and continue asking for change until i either raised my vioce or simply outran her (because she only has short, scabby little legs).
i knew this would happen because i've seen it before.
many many times.
she was absolutely merciless in her quest for coin.
i've seen her run across a busy street to harass a half-dozen angry bikers for change.
ravenous for quarters. dimes. nickels.
i've seen her eat dirty pennies. (not really, but c'mon.)
i could hear her rabid little footsteps trotting up alongside me.
any second now. pop the question baby.
i totally don't even notice you vulturing me.
go on, strike. do what you do.
then snap!
i stopped, turned on my heel, looked right in her face and said "hey! do you got any change?!"
she froze, mouth hanging open, does not compute.
and i swear to you i could pinpoint the exact second her strange little mind got sucked into the Vortex.
she was not ready.
i just turned her Quiet One-Way Street of a universe into the Endless Rush Hour Interchange of Eternity.
she's probably still standing there.
let's go dancing.

3 Comments:

Blogger lora said...

that was one nicely weighed, delicious pound of laughs. show your mug about sometime. it's been months since i have seen you, michael gillis.

1:07 PM  
Blogger nic said...

she once asked me for a dolllar so she could buy a soda for her 16 year old daughter who was saving up for a tongue piercing (?)

10:17 AM  
Blogger mike said...

that's crazy.
kids today... unbelieveable.
a sixteen year old drinking soda.
tsk tsk tsk.

10:33 AM  

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