sneakin' out the hospital

(ninja please)

Location: Montreal

Saturday, February 24, 2007

sleepless cougar

the sleepless cougar.
she's the lateshift sorceress at the crackiest all-night greasy spoon in the borough.
her skin like leather and her fingers more deep fried than the perogies.
her cleavage an inhumanly tanned and wrinkly blackhole that only her gawdy streetmarket necklaces can withstand.
she never sleeps, moving mechanically but without grace.
she's steam powered. maybe coal. unthinkable furnace.
her jeans cut from the denim of Plague-era Europe and her top the skinned remains of a helpless sofa she's murdered in the night.
i'd peg her age as somewhere between 39 and infinity.
not so much born as congealed.
prick her and she'll bleed nicotine and old coffee.
she's hard lookin'. and probably hard living.
if she hasn't killed anyone, she's dated a guy who has and it shows.
her eyes and smile are about as warm as the dashboard heater of a 1985 Toyota hatchback in a frozen landfill on a cloudy day.
the kind of woman you look at and wonder if she was beautiful when she was young, but know that she wasn't, which means tonight could quite possibly be the most beautiful she's ever been.
relatively speaking.
she doesn't have a library card but she knows more about processed meat and drunk people than you and your book club combined.
i imagine kissing her neck. i imagine it feeling like kissing a chicken wing and tasting like kissing the skin from a neglected dish of gravy.
i hope she calls.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

hey, Internet!

(walks into room, flips open laptop)

me - hey, Internet!

Internet - hey buddy! how was work?

me - great! i got a lot done today.

Internet - awesome!

me - we talked about you.

Internet - uh oh! all good i hope.

me - of course, dude! we talked about that video you have of the water-skiing monkeys.

Internet - i love that one!

me - me too! thanks for showing it to me!

Internet - anytime bro! oh yeah!....i've got something for you.

me - really? is it more junk mail?

Internet - lol! no way! something cool... the new Dinosaur Jr. album!

me - the new Dinosaur Jr. album!!! omg!!

Internet - i knew you'd be stoked! wanna hear it right now?

me - shit yeah! heeeeyyyyy....wait just a darn second here. i read that the new Dinosaur Jr. album isn't coming out until May. how did you get a copy, Internet?

Internet - (acting all cool)... i know some dudes.

me - Internet, you're the fucking best. i fucking love you man.

Internet - ha ha! it was nothing.

(me and Internet rock out to the new Dinosaur Jr. for a few minutes)

Internet - hey......wanna see some naked chicks doin' stuff?

me - ha ha ha! oh Internet! you're so crazy.

Internet - go close the door.

me - ok.