if i were in porn, my porn actor name would be...

- Organ Freeman

rock sauce!

here's a list of cold and delicious rock-themed cocktails.
drink them!
or just keep being a square, it really doesn't matter to me.

- Cran Morrison
- Cran Halen
- Ginny Hendrix
- Sex on the Beach Boys
- Rum DMC
- Parliament Julep
- Whitesnake Russian
- Big Black Russian
- Rye and the Family Stone
- Guns n' Rosé
- Sparkling White Wine Inch Nails
- Long Island Iced TV on the Radio
- Tonic Youth
- Sonic Vermouth
- Scotch on the Rocks ("Rocks" referring to the title of Aerosmith's fourth album, not ice cubes. there should probably be some cubes in there anyway though.)
- Refill Collins

don't cry

hey.
hey you....what's wrong?
is everything ok?
are you crying?
don't cry.
come here...don't cry.
it'll be ok.
just let it out, it's ok.
wow, you're really sad. you're snotting all over your face.
don't worry, don't even worry about it.
just let it go.
i'm here. c'mere. let me hold you.
it's ok if you snot on me, that's just how Here For You i am.
what's making you so sad?
woah, now you're throwing up on yourself.
a lot.
i don't care if i get puke on me, i'm here, i'll still hold you.
i care about you more than anything.
i will never let you go when you're in need.
never.
is that pee? you're peeing now?
that's fucked.
yeah...i'm still here...but.....it'll be ok.
i won't tell, you can just open up with me. trust.
we're here For Eachother.
always.
i know you'd do the same if i was how are you still peeing?
fuck.
what is wrong with you?
i think you have bigger problems than being sad.
why are you crying?

-dude, i think there's something seriously wrong with that weird dog.

shhhhsh...don't listen to him.
it's ok...it's ok.
your hair is beautiful.
don't cry.

things Jesus would say if he came back today

"Heathens everywhere!"

"So, how's Jerusalem doing these days?"

"I can't believe it's not butter!"

"What the fuck is butter?"

"Yes, I understand what you're saying; but I just don't see how having a weird little plastic pump on the tongue of your sneaker is going to improve your game."

"I need some new threads. You can totally see my boner through these robes. Chicks didn't dress like this is my day."

"Why is everyone talking into their hands all the time?"

"Who the fuck is Oprah?"